Mother's Day: The Raw Truth on What We Really Want

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[00:00:16] Nasreen Welcome back to another episode of Time To Talk Travel. This week we're going to chat about trips with mom, gifts for mom, travel with mom, everything mom, because of course you should celebrate mom all year round, but mother's day is coming up soon. So we have our reporter on the scene today. We’ve got Ciaran joining us from the car on the go because it's an important topic. What do you want to lead off with? I'm going to let you kick it off.

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[00:01:04] Nasreen I get it. I put you on the spot because you were in a unique setting, Des, have you traveled with your kids or with your mom? I know you go visit your mom a lot and that's a trip for you. What do you want to get into this?

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I literally have put an air tag on her phone that she wears around her neck So that I can know where she is if I happen to walk away to get a glass of wine . But before that, I remember a trip I took with her and my two sisters and we discovered we can put up with each other for about three days.

More than that, it's not fun anymore and you wish you hadn't gone. So, I think knowing your relationship well enough to know how long you want to spend one on one is good. I will say it is the ultimate gift. As a mother, The best thing my kids can give me is time with them. And even better if we can get away, I love travel.

So they know that's my jam, experiences with them. Or I just did a whole story on mothers. So I saw this whole statistic on, it I think. One fourth of the flowers sold all year long are sold on Mother's Day. Like Valentine's is first Christmas, if you can believe it. And so I thought that was interesting. Jewelry is the number one gift beyond flowers and a card. And then experiences are creeping up right behind them. And I gotta say, that's my love language is, take me away, even if it's just a day trip with them. And I would say, very

often it's my daughter I want to spend the time with, but I also really enjoy time with my son and being able to do things one on. if you've got several kids, tell them, you know what I'm fine seeing all you for brunch today but I want a day with each of you or a weekend where we go different places, even if you organize it. Just saying, just please put me on your calendar for this day, this weekend so that we can go reconnect or make new memories. Even if they're teenagers, I will tell you my first press trip ever was with my teenage son who at the time really didn't have two words to say to me ever. But I found him again on this trip to Mexico. He saw me in a different light. Oh, mom's kind of cool. Where I wasn't cool because I was always the heavy. By all means, and we can get into where to go and whatever, But I do think knowing the relationship and figuring out how long you can actually put up with each other before it becomes something you regret doing is important.

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roles and your assumptions behind, like you get to be a person instead of a sandwich maker. It is such a great bonding experience to be somewhere unfamiliar with your kids and for them to see you as a person who is maybe struggling in a situation to read a train schedule and figuring things out as they go.

It just helps them see you in a new light. And it's so amazing for bonding. I did a six week Europe trip with my daughters when they were 16 and 19. We had Eurail passes and we bopped from place to place. For my one daughter, she really hated it. My other daughter really loved it and we had that whole they weren't getting along and I wasn't necessarily getting along with both of them at any given time.

But I don't think any of us regret the trip at this point.

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You want to go do that. And so I think I'm like, Coming over the, precipice of that. But I did take one trip with my mom and sister and it was this random spur of the moment thing because it wasn't something we really normally did. We usually do day trips. We go do something. We have lunch. That was what we could all handle at that point in our life.

But I had an account that was supposed to open in North Carolina and it was an install over a weekend. And this was when I was pregnant with my daughter who's about to be 14 this summer. It was a bougie hotel and they're like, Hey, you know what?

I'm sorry. You have to do this over a weekend. Why don't you bring someone with you? I have some United points or whatever and I brought my mom and my sister with me. It was just random North Carolina trip. I'm pregnant. It's hotter than they expected it to be. I like remember cutting off like a one piece that I couldn't fit into anymore.

Like I cut it above the elastic waistband so I could roll up my shirt. The elevator went out, like the power went out. So the elevator didn't work and we were on the executive lounge floor. Again, pregnant like it was just a comical trip and we had a good time. We went a bunch of places.

I don't even remember much about the trip. We ate some good food. We went to some museums. I remember walking around and seeing historical sites, but like the elevator going out And you couldn't flush the toilets and stuff. And it was, yeah, maybe that's why I don't do maybe we were, I'm just still a little bit traumatized from that one, but we all still chuckle about it occasionally.

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If that's what you want. Now, if you're a control freak and that would make you crazy by all means keep controlling everything,. Set the expectations, figure out what's going to make You happy. And it's important. I will tell you, I remember one trip to Colorado with all four kids . We had gotten off a plane to the house we were staying in and it was World War III with the kids. The older ones picked on the younger one. She's in tears. She's sobbing, which triggers me and I am. With all four of them. And this was not an inexpensive trip. And I remember saying, I regret doing this. This is probably the last trip because they were all getting older. One had already gone off to college.

And I just said, I don't see us doing this ever again. So figure it out, get it together, because right now all you're making, I'm just so disappointed. All the way around angry, whatever, but,

And again, I didn't really set it at the before we left and I probably should have.

A lot of the stress was knowing we're probably not going to do a big trip like that again. Everybody goes off and does their own thing at this point. The expectations, knowing what you want to get out of it. That's really important. Super important.

And again, rolling with it when things go sideways, some things are not going to work out.

With my daughter, I remember our last trip, I lost her passport.

, I didn't even know. Coming out of security, I'm stopping to get a water bottle. it's, one of those crack of dawn flights that I like to do because I think it's less likely we're going to get bumped.

This was leaving Barcelona and she walked onto the gate with the backpacks while I stopped at the vending machine to buy a water bottle because couldn't bring water through. And while I'm standing there, here comes the customs agent looking at my, passport, looking at me, Desiree. And she said, you dropped this, somebody brought it back to customs. And I had just talked to her and told her how we were going to New York and wrapping up our trip and so I was like, Oh, did they turn in two? Because I had both. Mom's the responsible one. So I was like, Oh gosh, this must be gone. Yeah. It ended up, hers was safely in the backpack.

Mine was not, but she saw a different side of me. Oh, I thought you were so responsible, mom miss dependable. I was like things happen. And on the flip side, we had a trip years before where we rented a scooter to get around the island for the day. we took the ferry over rented a scooter. She was like, you know how to drive one of these? And I said, kid, this was me in college. I had a scooter. She thought I was the coolest thing ever on that one. You really can be totally different people and let them see.

I really do hope that you give yourself permission to just stop being the parent for a minute and just be who makes you happy. If you're in a safe place to do it.

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And at the end of the day, you end up resentful and the kids aren't happy because they're just taking things for granted. I don't know. It's important to plan yourself into vacations as a mom, that it's your vacation too. And it's okay to say, this is where I'm comfortable staying.

This is where I'm comfortable eating. And you know what, kids, we're not home. We're not just going to eat pizza and chicken nuggets and I'm not going to design the whole vacation around you entirely. Let's try something new. And I think a lot of moms are afraid of that because things can go south. especially with younger kids, it's harder to do that.

But as your kids get older and your relationship changes, you're not required to sacrifice and not be yourself around them. And it is far more bonding if you can be who you are and they'll respect you more.

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I so appreciate my time alone now that last year for mother's day, it was also right near my daughter's birthday. I booked the weekend and I sent them to great Wolf Lodge in Massachusetts and I stayed home by myself and it was glorious.

I sent all of them, even the, then 19 year old went to be like the second adult . Yeah. And they went on water slides and dealt with obnoxiously loud decibel rating noise things. And I'm water it's not my it is not my scene at all. Everybody else likes it. And I'm like, you know what?

This is a present to them and me.

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It's, I'm getting my day away from the family in general, more than mom, but if moms want to take the weekend away, especially mother's day, they get a golden guilt trip and I'm glad you did that for yourself. And I guess we're giving everybody else, guilt free.

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And I just wanted to be able to wander around in my own little cloud and do whatever I wanted. And my husband made me a snack basket. I had mentioned to him at one point, I said when I go away on a trip, I get everything ready. I'm always thinking about everybody else.

I get everything ready. I make sure that everyone is ready for while I'm gone. There's all the food that you guys like are in the fridge. I go grocery shopping. I make you guys something to eat for dinner a lot of times. I make sure everything is lined up so it is easy on you. I said, nobody does that for me.

I said, first of all, I don't stay home by myself a lot, but like, why isn't anyone making me a snack basket of all my favorite things and then leaving me home alone? And that's what I got that year for mother's day. And again, it really. I don't feel bad about it. It was the right choice because a lot of times moms feel like they have to make an excuse, like they're going to go on a girlfriend getaway, or they have to have a reason to go somewhere instead of just being able to go somewhere.

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And all I wanted was to just go there and sleep and watch TV and read a book for 24 hours. That was like the mother's day gift for me that year. And you know what? That's okay.

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Whether he called or not was once he was old enough to remember it himself. Fine, but I'm probably not going to get a call otherwise. And so it always made me uncomfortable. So just to have the weekend of myself, just do whatever the crap I wanted without any drama.

It made me very happy.

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And even though I was, 50, 50, the caregiver, I never, they weren't with me for Mother's Day. So we did Mother's Day, I would always say, can we do it the weekend before or the weekend after so that I, all the kids, it rarely worked out because again, I wasn't orchestrating it.

Those are Mother's Days are sad for a lot of people which is all the more reason to do a getaway, all the more reason

to, grab your mom. If you can, if she's around, if she's not, then again, go in honor of her. My mom loves travel. She's again, still around, but has Alzheimer's and can't travel very well.

I just think do what makes you happy and whether that's hiking a mountain, going to a spa retreat, schedule something. It doesn't have to be on physical mother's day. It can be whenever you need to do it to make it work in your schedule and we can recommend there are big cities to go to. There are all kinds of great places. But again, I think the key is making sure that you are getting your bucket filled, your soul happy,

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And that'll be great. But if you have a friend who, lost their mother, has a complicated relationship, won't be around their kids and you won't be either, like maybe that's a good time to get together with them so that they don't have to spend that weekend alone. A lot of times it's just hard being around everyone else.

Maybe it's a fun new bonding, like you watch a bunch of really crappy movies and cry and eat chocolate and drink wine and have ice cream. That sounds great too.

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Yeah I have got to look at the calendar now because again, I got to take my own medicine. Hadn't even planned that far. How crazy am I? Ciaran, do you have plans for Mother's Day this year?

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Honestly, if there's something that I want, I should probably plan it myself, but I'm happy to just go out to breakfast and not cook for the day. And, basically do whatever I want. I'll probably go thrift shopping, I'll probably sleep in, I'll read a book, I'll do sunset on the beach and have some wine and cheese and crackers and call it a day and be okay with it.

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[00:18:53] Desiree: I 100 percent agree with you on the, if you want it to be good and you don't want to be disappointed. Yes. Plan it for yourself. There's no, nothing wrong with saying, okay, kids, you know what? Money's tight this year. I've done this before. We're going to play tennis. I just want the whole family to go to the tennis court. It's free. Everybody's got their racket. You know what I mean? Something like that. Or, I do want. One of you to make me breakfast. I do want, and it, I'm not a, you don't need to go spend 300 in a fancy restaurant. I know not at all. It, let's grill out dad's in charge of that part, or whatever, but it's, if you. Wait around for them to plan it. Odds are you're going to be disappointed, or at least that's been my experience. And it's no fun crying on mother's day. So by all means, plan the trip, plan the day, whatever it is. But again, it goes back to set the expectations and, be realistic with, whatever it is that your heart wants. If you don't tell people how did you know? So I like the way you think.

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[00:20:13] Desiree: Yes.

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I think that

still gets them out of the house a little bit,

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[00:21:12] Nasreen And if you are planning to take your mother out to eat and you are listening to this and you are not the mother and you are planning to take your mother out to eat. Today is the day to call and make the reservations because trust me, these things go far in advance and you may have to go through a couple options even at this point.

I know I mentioned this on our eco sustainable episode, but Piketty Place is an herbal luncheon place in New Hampshire. It's a major special occasion place for us, but like rustic, cute, And my mom and my sister and I have gone there for Mother's Day or for her, my mom's birthday, multiple years. And I think I need to talk to my sister and see what we're doing.

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[00:22:05] Nasreen And when in doubt, like. Yeah, mothers just want to know they're being thought of. That is the biggest thing is that we're always thinking about other people and how to make their lives easier. So just anything like if you loved traveling with your mom and you can't anymore, maybe it's a picture of a view you guys loved or something from that place.

If, you can't go somewhere or you don't see mom on the day or whatever, something that reminds, I bought this piece of art. It reminded me of you. And here's why, like a nice card, a reason why you chose the item. It doesn't have to be something big. They just want to know you thought of them and why.

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I mean, those are all appropriate and excellent Mother's Day gifts.

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[00:23:14] Ciaran: I love a drawing or a handwritten card, so much more than a store bought card. I'm totally a fan of something that they create.

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[00:23:23] Nasreen okay I'm going to think we covered all of our emotional trauma. My dogs are getting, a little wound up right now because.

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[00:23:32] Nasreen It is our cue to close. This Mother's Day, let's all give each other love and support and not emotional trauma. Until next time, happy travels.

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[00:23:41] Narrator: This has been another episode of Time to Talk Travel, brought to you by HashtagTravels. com. You can keep in touch with us between episodes by checking out our site, joining our newsletter, or connecting with us on social. We've always got the information you need in our episode notes. Until next time, happy travels, and thanks for being a part of our trip.